Here is a blog post I wrote a while ago (most likely during menopause) but had never shared, so I’d like to share it now. Enjoy!

I recently enjoyed a video of Emily ‘Black Apple’ Winfield Martin speaking at Portland’s XOXO Festival about her success as a children’s book illustrator and gallery artist. She mentioned that she had started living her dream and honing in on what it was she really wanted to do before she died.

Her words, “Be brave misfits and find your audience” really resonated with me and I started thinking about all the many different kinds of art I do and MY dream. But that ended up with me depressed and I think it’s because I envied her her focus and her ‘honing in’ on what she really wanted AND I was envious of her success. She was published by Random House and is the top seller of handmade art on Etsy and has her work sold through a gallery in Portland. She was able to quit her job, follow her dream and make her art full time.

And so I meditated and I pondered and I figured out NOTHING. So I decided that I must paint that instant so I began, but blah, it wasn’t happening, so I thought, ‘Hell, I’ll try doing what I did a few weeks ago when I was depressed and so I picked up my Goddess & Heroines book by Patricia Monaghan and randomly picked a Goddess to paint and BAM! as soon as I did a fire was lit and I painted like mad!

Earlier I had tried a fire meditation but I was so depressed that I cried and then noticed that my Mother Mary candle had sputtered out for the first time! But I did figure out that I HAD to paint instead of meditate. It’s that feeling of urgency that spurs me. Out of pain/sadness/loss/depression – the paint calls me – the act of painting calls me and NOTHING else matters at that point, I MUST paint.

And if I fail, I start again, until my power returns. And Goddess, painting Goddess brings my power back. This is my dream – this is what I’m about; my passion, my purpose, my calling…this, and being in nature and painting Her, Mama Earth, outside and in.